Nasty playoff preview!
Wizards on National Stage! Wilbon and othewr NBA Analists saying Wiz are underdogs so that if Cavs win they can talk about how extra awesome LeBron is. Prepare to hear Steve Buckhantz say "King James" in our own building. prepare for discrafeful umpiring. NBA tells LeBron "if you move your Mom to Papa New Guinea we will give you a title" but its all in double Joepoardy now cause LeBrons mom escaped from PNG and was picked up hitchhiking by Jim Bowden and they gunned across country like Thelma and Louise, with Gloria James yelling at Jim "why didnt you pick nme up in a Hummer? I GAVE MY SON A HUMMER!!!!!"
No wonder NBA wants her to stay away. They remember well how Ernie Hudson yelled the same thing at a Ghostbusters II press lunch and just like that killed the Ghostbusters franchise!!! Why else was their no Gostbusters 3? What you think they ran out of ghosts???!!! Even LeBron spoke to his mom: "Thanks for the great Hummer, Mom. I know u love me. I know you just want to give yourself everything that you never had growing up, But please behave yourself. Why cant you act just act classy, like Kwame Browns Aunts???
So as we said Coach Jordan and E Grunf have milked blood from a halfsmoke all season long. Our starting 5 are all having career seasons and we only won 42 games. Now that Lost Colony Ramos is back on the bench, we could have 5 DNPs tomorrow. Coach is collecting DNPs like they was Pokemons!
Calvin and Arvee and Donnell are so deep on the bench, Its like that movie The Three Burials of Miguel Tejada!
-If DNPs were Pokemons, Calvin Booth would be "DROWZEE!"
-Arvee Storey, when he plays, he looks like he woke up to find himself trapped inside a giant game of skittles, and hes trying to find his way out
-Donnell Taylor, what exactly is his role? Hes plays like a kid who always wanted to be a stuntman and refuses to let his Muscular Dystrophy stop him from his dreamzz! He runs after the ball swinging his arms like its a bacon pinata!!!
Billy Thomas is next in long line of offseason "veteran 3 point specialists" who cant hit the open 3 but he brings calmness to the bench and funny wise coming-of-age tales from when he was an Atlantic Starr groupie.
But coach is too scared to play anyof these guyzz, hes gonna keep using the same sharpies till they run dry, cause Princeton Schminceton, his rotation is about has creative as rotation of steel aanxiety balls in Captain Queegs hand in The Caine Mutiny, escept hes also got Caron, so caron is the third steel ball of the Wizards mon pubis, right tell me something i dont know!
Gilbert Arenas: the best thing to happen to ZERO is some time off. Last weeks he says:
"I look at it like, once you start trying to rest yourself, that's when you start to burn out," Arenas said, "because you're not as active as you used to be. You're losing your stamina, you're losing your muscle memory, then you're getting fatigue."
But the body only builds muscle when it sleeps, thats why you only ever see Magnus Ver Magnusson in his pajamas, and gilbert sleeps only 3 hours a night so hes gonna break down badly soon if Steve Stricker doesnt slip him a roofie. But maybe if he sleeps he will never wake up again? Oh jesus i had enough to worry about!!!
Caron Butler:Caron Butler is the wiz one roughneck, dubbed "Tough Juice.
In fact, its the first time DC team has had "Tough JUice" in the building since Abe Pollin entertained Myer Lansky and Yitzhak Rabin in the cap center owners box!
Jared Jeffries:Everyone sayz JJ is the KEY. Whats does that mean? It means he guarding 23 and that means BATTLE OF THE AMISH BEARDS!!! Like in WItness when Alexander Godunov puts ice cream on HFordz nose but Alexander Godunov has a mouthguard and 'BARN LIFE' tattoo on his back.
The Borwn Hornet is crazy. Hes the Road Warrior. He says "You wanna get out of here, you talk to me". hes got huge hands and what they say about big hands = BIG DREAMS! He goes to hoop like crazy man. Last week he tried to committ "Suicide By Bogan" when he skyed up against Andrew Bogut. Sure they wiped the filthy convict sweat off the floor but some stains are deeper than others.
Prediciton: If theres a game 7, Anotnio Daniels will lie dead.
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